Heart of a Demon
by Insignificance
Summary: Xellos' thoughts on a certain mace-wielding Dragon Priestess. Fi/Xel warning! Don't read if you don't like this pairing!


Heart of a Demon  
By: Silver Star  
  
  
There was once a time when I hated you as much as you   
hated me. But that was a long time ago, before...before I fell   
in love with you.  
  
Ironic isn't it? Me, a Mazoku, The Greater Beast's   
General AND Priest in fact, falling in love. With a Ryuuzoku   
no less. Heh. Now I realized just how ironic the world can be.  
  
I had killed so many of your kind, and I had enjoyed it   
thoroughly. Your kind, they were so beautiful, all gold and   
shimmering against the dying light of the sun. I remember   
staring at them with awe, and feeling glee and excitement as   
those beautiful creatures died by my hands. So easily. They   
all had died so easily. I had felt _power_ at the moment when I   
killed them. A feeling of invincibility. And I still remember   
thinking that if I can kill creatures this beautiful this easily,   
then I must be powerful.   
  
Now I regret what I had done. After all, if I hadn't done   
that, then you might not hate me as much.   
  
I sometimes wondered what would be different if I   
_hadn't_ slaughtered all those Golden Dragons. Would you   
treat me differently? Will you smile at me? Will you talk to me   
without 'Namagomi' in every sentence? Will you actually be   
worried about me if I'm not there everyday?   
  
But then again, I would still be a Mazoku and you would   
still be a Ryuuzoku; nothing will really change will it?  
  
They say that Demons are incapable of loving. I had   
actually believed that for a long time. That is, until the day I   
met you. At first, it was the thrill of getting you angry. It was   
fun watching you getting all worked up, and your anger was   
delicious to say the least. And I was also curious. I wanted to   
know how the Golden Dragons think. I want to understand   
you, delve into your mind and see what I can find in there. It   
was a thrill that I found quite entertaining.   
  
For some odd reason, I began to trust you. In fact, I   
realized that I considered Lina and her friends to be my   
comrades. I was shocked when I realized that, but truth be   
told, it wasn't such a bad feeling.   
  
I told myself that being comrades were enough, that I   
couldn't afford to become too attached to anyone in particular.   
But I was curious. Curiosity kills the cat, people say, and   
unfortunately, they were right.   
  
I watched you, observed you; studied you like you're a   
bug under a microscope. I provoked you and memorized your   
reactions. I was fascinated by the way you reacted to my   
teasing. I wanted to know how you think. I had actually   
believed that if I do finally understand your actions, then in   
the final Dragon Demon War, I would have the advantage of   
knowing the way Dragon's minds work. I was so stupid then.   
I wouldn't say I was naive because I wasn't. I was stupid.   
Plain and simple. Heh, I'll bet you'll be very happy to hear   
that.   
  
I still remember the moment when I realized that I love   
you. It was so unexpected, so abrupt, so REAL, that I nearly   
fell off my chair.   
  
We were in an Inn at that time. You were sitting in front   
of the fire, and I remember staring at your profile, thinking   
how the warm glow really enhanced your looks. I wasn't really   
in reality at that moment, too busy wondering why I thought   
you were pretty and staring at you. Someone said something   
to my right, and I saw you looking at that direction.   
  
And then you smiled.   
  
I had been so overwhelmed by my realization that I had   
actually called out your name. Your smile immediately   
disappeared, and I knew then, that you would never, ever love   
me. Never. I wanted to tell you so much that it hurts, but I   
can't and I knew that no matter how much it hurts, I can   
never tell you.  
  
I'll continue to protect you, Filia, and I promise you I will   
never ruin your life with the knowledge of my feelings.   



End file.
